February 20, 2008

Feeling Tender Today

Today, like most days, has not been without the typical busyness of life that finds me running around the neighborhood and doing this and that. And while normally I find myself on automatic pilot when I am running errands and not really thinking or feeling anything particular, I found myself feeling tender to the touch all day.

I repeatedly listened to the same song in the car and as the songs used to do when I would make the commute to and from Deerfield, this song became so personal and filled with meaning that I found myself being moved to tears by it. My mind was filled with racing thoughts of people, of all nations and creeds, praising and worshipping God and then seeing Him pour His blessings over earth. I had thoughts of people being freed from chains and living the life God has intended for us.

I stopped by our church office and was engaged in conversation with one of our pastors about our children's ministry when in the middle of his talking my eyes began to well up with tears. The faces of the children in our church danced across my mind and my heart felt a pang, not of sadness, but of joy. These sweet little babies and children are already becoming living temples for the Lord; you can see it in their eyes and hear it in their prayers. When Christ walked the earth, He had a special place in His heart for the children- I can see why.

When I walked into the grocery store there was a man asking me to buy a newspaper from him and I had no cash, so I couldn't buy a paper when normally I do. When I got inside, my eyes welled up with tears that I had to say no to him because I felt as if my saying no thank you to buying a paper from him was a greater rejection of him as a person trying to make a living. It was so important to me that he knew that I respected him and that I saw him, I mean truly saw him, that when I came out of the store I made sure to make eye contact with him, give him a smile, and wish him a good evening. I know what I said is no big deal, but I figure most people do not look him in the eye and choose to breeze by him without a word of acknowledgement and I would imagine that after a while, that begins to feel dehumanizing.

As I stumbled through the door of our place, made my way to the various rooms to put things down, and then turn on my computer, I began to cry again. But these were not tears of sadness, these were tears of thankfulness. I am thankful for this home and the things that are in it. I am thankful for the memories that I have of friends and family who have sat in our chairs and talked by the glow of candles. I am thankful for the man who walks through the door of our home each work night and has a hug and a kiss for me, as well as a signature way of singing hello.

All signs today are pointing to a prayer I have had for myself, which is for the Lord to make me more aware of His people and what He is doing in and through them and remind me to be grateful for what He has given me and spend less time thinking of what I do not have or wish I had.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am so thankful for who you are, Justine. I am blessed to call you friend and I love you so much.