May 7, 2011

And Again I Lament

Today would have been my due date had we not lost our third baby- we call him Liam. My heart is heavy with sadness but my soul is at rest.

Soul rest. Thank You, Lord, for this kind of rest.

Psalm 42 : The Lament
by Nicholas Wolterstorff “Lament for a Son”

My tears have been my food day and night, says the songwriter.
I remember, he says, how it was when joy was still my lot,
how I used to go with the multitude
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

Now it’s different. I am downcast, disturbed.
Yet I find that faith is not dead. So I say to myself,
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God.

But then my grief returns and again I lament, to God my Rock:
Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by my enemy?

Again faith replies:
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God.

Back and forth, lament and faith, faith and lament, each fastened to the other.
A bruised faith, a longing faith, a faith emptied of nearness:

As the deer pants for the streams of water,
so my soul pants for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

Yet in the distance of endurance I join the song:
By day the Lord directs His love,
at night His song is with me-
a prayer to the God of my life.

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