May 28, 2010

It's A Fallen World, Eve

I am grieving sin.

I am angry at Eve for what she did in the Garden.

If Eve were alive today, I would call her and invite her to lunch. And I would grill her for what she did. And I would tell her just what her eating that fruit has come to mean to me.

It’s a fallen world now, Eve. And babies die because of it. My babies died because it’s a fallen world.

Poor Eve, she would have wished she had never accepted my lunch invitation. I wonder if she would storm out of the restaurant or quietly cry at her seat at the notion that she has unleashed so much hurt into our world.

If she stayed put, I would let her cry on her own for a bit, but then I would slide next to her and weep with her. For a woman should not be left to bear such grief on her own for too long.

And then I would tell her that beautiful things have come out of this barren road…

The other night we had dinner at the home of a couple whose church partnered with ours for a night of worship and prayer. The wife is an old friend from college and we saw her the night of the event for the first time in years. So we reconnected and set up a time to have dinner with her and her husband. After dinner, we prayed with them in their living room and as she prayed for me and the longing in my heart, she put her hand over my stomach and prayed for my womb.

It was beautiful.

Earlier in the evening she told me that the night she saw us at the prayer event that she felt compelled to pray for my fertility. She had no way of knowing what we had been through these last six months. The Holy Spirit put in on her heart.

That is beautiful.

Hannah gave me a sweet reminder of my babies- two tiny hearts on a necklace… for Jack and one for Claire. I wear it every day.

It is beautiful.

I have the privilege of leading the children’s ministry at our church and on Mother’s Day- a day that I was dreading for all the obvious reasons- I was presented with a large envelope filled with cards and notes written by some of the families at church thanking me for what I do for their children. I sat on a couch in the church office and read them all, moved to tears by the words written for me.

They all were beautiful.

I still reach for babies and find joy in being with children. And that may not seem like anything, but it means everything to me. My heart is not hard and the Lord is still moving in me.

Love is even more beautiful in the presence of pain.

It is a fallen world, Eve.

But God gives beauty for ashes.

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